The Mail has learned that anarchist leaders "the elders" are responsible for urinating on the Union Jack.

Has the world gone mad? Anarchist leaders "the elders" are urinating on the Union Jack with impunity. Hanging is surely too good for these no good scum. Why doesn’t the Government use all the money it has stolen from the hardworking families of Britain in stealth taxes to make amends for the situation. Probably because they are too busy lining their pockets!

The Mail spoke to Norris McWhirter, speaking posthumously, who said "A large proportion of Britain’s Asian population fail to pass the cricket test. Which side do they cheer for?"