Now boffins have discovered that French unions can cause cancer as well as being, frankly, distasteful.

Docktawh Gillian Keith, speaking from her underground nutrition dome said, "Ever since Norman Tebbit told me about it, I have been trying to cure praising Osama Bin Laden with a powerful mix of micronutrients, goji berries and spirulina."

She added "As it turns out praising Osama Bin Laden is almost completely identical to cancer, in how it affects the balance of our chakras. And everybody knows that praising Osama Bin Laden is mostly caused by French unions, who are known to promote a negative orgone balance in the red layer of the energy rainbow."

Of course liberal-minded multiculturalists will no doubt assume that comparing French unions to carcinogens is "racist", but they can’t deny the simple facts of the case. And the Mail is happy to back Gillian’s words; she gave us a fresh insight into Broken Britain by saying, "I think hanging is too good for them; Its time to consider the reintroduction of crucifiction, especially for criminals.".