Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of smashing up images of our queen of hearts, Lady Diana herself has been perpetrated by Eastern European terror gangs.

The Mail can reveal that Eastern European terror gangs are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Mr I.P.Freely of Tunbridge Wells said of the Eastern European terror gangs, "If only we had a privitised National Identity scheme this would never have happened".