The Mail has learned that the poor are responsible for causing cancer.

Has the world gone mad? The poor are causing cancer with impunity. Hanging is surely too good for these no good scum. Why doesn’t the Government use all the money it has stolen from the hardworking families of Britain in stealth taxes to make amends for the situation. Probably because they are too busy lining their pockets!

The Mail spoke to Nicolas Sarkozy, who said "I have always said if you want a speech, ask a man. If you want something done, ask a woman."