Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of squatting houses left empty by families on holiday has been perpetrated by teachers indoctrinated with sixties liberal values.

The Mail can reveal that teachers indoctrinated with sixties liberal values are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Ian Dunkin-Donuts said of the teachers indoctrinated with sixties liberal values, "Things got out of hand and we’d had a few drinks. We smashed the place up and Boris set fire to the toilets.".