Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of fighting the poilce has been perpetrated by asylum seekers.

The Mail can reveal that asylum seekers are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

The English People said of the asylum seekers, "But many of the unemployeds had become static and didn’t know that if they got on a bus for an hour’s journey, they’d be in Cardiff and could look for the jobs there.".