Now boffins have discovered that youths can cause cancer as well as being, frankly, distasteful.

Docktawh Gillian Keith, speaking from her underground nutrition dome said, "Ever since Vince Cable told me about it, I have been trying to cure defacing statues in Trafalgar Square with a powerful mix of micronutrients, goji berries and spirulina."

She added "As it turns out defacing statues in Trafalgar Square is almost completely identical to cancer, in how it affects the balance of our chakras. And everybody knows that defacing statues in Trafalgar Square is mostly caused by youths, who are known to promote a negative orgone balance in the red layer of the energy rainbow."

Of course liberal-minded multiculturalists will no doubt assume that comparing youths to carcinogens is "racist", but they can’t deny the simple facts of the case. And the Mail is happy to back Gillian’s words; she gave us a fresh insight into Broken Britain by saying, "If only we had a privitised National Identity scheme this would never have happened".