Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of engaging in steamy sex romps has been perpetrated by ravers smashed out of their tiny minds on ecstasy.

The Mail can reveal that ravers smashed out of their tiny minds on ecstasy are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Jacob Rees-Mogg said of the ravers smashed out of their tiny minds on ecstasy, "arbeit macht frei".