Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of drilling for oil in one family's back garden has been perpetrated by cyberterrorists.

The Mail can reveal that cyberterrorists are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Boris Johnson said of the cyberterrorists, "I think hanging is too good for them; Its time to consider the reintroduction of crucifiction, especially for criminals.".