The Daily Mail has learned, by imagining them, of literally BILLIONS of incidents of setting fire to pensioners whilst high on skunk and crack, all of them involving Cherie Blair’s friends.

In the glorious days of Bernard Jenkin, no hardworking family of Britain would expect to experience setting fire to pensioners whilst high on skunk and crack, but nowadays thanks to Cherie Blair’s friends setting fire to pensioners whilst high on skunk and crack is an everyday occurence.

Frankly, the only thing that any sane person can say is Its the terrorists fault. Watch my eyes. Te-rror-ists. Now I can say anything I like and you’ll think it makes sense somehow. Brilliant. Te-rror-is-ts..