The Mail has learned that communist-sympathisers are responsible for defacing statues in Trafalgar Square.

Has the world gone mad? Communist-sympathisers are defacing statues in Trafalgar Square with impunity. Hanging is surely too good for these no good scum. Why doesn’t the Government use all the money it has stolen from the hardworking families of Britain in stealth taxes to make amends for the situation. Probably because they are too busy lining their pockets!

The Mail spoke to Norman Tebbit, who said "Its the terrorists fault. Watch my eyes. Te-rror-ists. Now I can say anything I like and you’ll think it makes sense somehow. Brilliant. Te-rror-is-ts."