Why, Oh Why, Oh Why do we allow young muslim men such freedom? Not only are they probably communists, but young muslim men have this week been revealed as causing obesity.

If only the Government and the guacomole-munchers of Islington were a little less concerned with helping Johnny-foreigner and a little more concerned with the rights of the hard working majority of our glorious Nation, then perhaps young muslim men would not get away with such treachery.

That certainly seems to be the opinion of The Queen who this week said, "Its the terrorists fault. Watch my eyes. Te-rror-ists. Now I can say anything I like and you’ll think it makes sense somehow. Brilliant. Te-rror-is-ts.".

So, next time you are at a dinner party and the menu involves sun dried tomatoes, just consider whether you think that causing obesity is acceptable behaviour.