Now boffins have discovered that gypsies can cause cancer as well as being, frankly, distasteful.

Docktawh Gillian Keith, speaking from her underground nutrition dome said, "Ever since Jim Davidson told me about it, I have been trying to cure assisting asylum seekers with a powerful mix of micronutrients, goji berries and spirulina."

She added "As it turns out assisting asylum seekers is almost completely identical to cancer, in how it affects the balance of our chakras. And everybody knows that assisting asylum seekers is mostly caused by gypsies, who are known to promote a negative orgone balance in the red layer of the energy rainbow."

Of course liberal-minded multiculturalists will no doubt assume that comparing gypsies to carcinogens is "racist", but they can’t deny the simple facts of the case. And the Mail is happy to back Gillian’s words; she gave us a fresh insight into Broken Britain by saying, "Yet again these oafs have destroyed my evening.".