Now children are openly being encouraged to flout the laws of morality and the land. Louts have been plotting to kidnap a senior royal outside nursery schools.

Terror expert Conservative head office has analysed the phenomenon in a new book which we certainly aren’t plugging although it is available from our bookshop for just £7.99; a fantastic 1.7% discount.

In "Plotting to kidnap a senior royal: The True Face Of Evil", Conservative head office says, "A large proportion of Britain’s Asian population fail to pass the cricket test. Which side do they cheer for?".

A decent "Big Society" that cared about children would bring back hanging for louts. After the hanging the still twitching bodies would be deported to somewhere tropical and foreign.