The terror level was raised to beige today after MI5 said that they certainly had vague yet specific intelligence about a probable certain threat that might or might not occur or not occur under certain circumstances on British soil or abroad perhaps unless another thing that might be a threat if it were to happen which it might or might not but it definitely might.

The terror plot probably involved so-called new age travellers who rumours have emerged have been involved in immigrating since 1978.

The Queen speaking from a hotel in Barbados said, "Things got out of hand and we’d had a few drinks. We smashed the place up and Boris set fire to the toilets.".