Now boffins have discovered that the politically correct Islington lefties can cause cancer as well as being, frankly, distasteful.

Docktawh Gillian Keith, speaking from her underground nutrition dome said, "Ever since Lala from the teletubbies told me about it, I have been trying to cure helping illegal immigrants with a powerful mix of micronutrients, goji berries and spirulina."

She added "As it turns out helping illegal immigrants is almost completely identical to cancer, in how it affects the balance of our chakras. And everybody knows that helping illegal immigrants is mostly caused by the politically correct Islington lefties, who are known to promote a negative orgone balance in the red layer of the energy rainbow."

Of course liberal-minded multiculturalists will no doubt assume that comparing the politically correct Islington lefties to carcinogens is "racist", but they can’t deny the simple facts of the case. And the Mail is happy to back Gillian’s words; she gave us a fresh insight into Broken Britain by saying, "Was it for this politically correct insanity that I fought and died in eight world wars? I think not!".