Charlie Harvey

Daily Mail story generator

Another? »
Daily Mail Headline/Logo

Now boffins have discovered that Jeremy Corbyn fans can cause cancer as well as being, frankly, distasteful.

Docktawh Gillian Keith, speaking from her underground nutrition dome said, "Ever since The English People told me about it, I have been trying to cure binge drinking on council estates with a powerful mix of micronutrients, goji berries and spirulina."

She added "As it turns out binge drinking on council estates is almost completely identical to cancer, in how it affects the balance of our chakras. And everybody knows that binge drinking on council estates is mostly caused by Jeremy Corbyn fans, who are known to promote a negative orgone balance in the red layer of the energy rainbow."

Of course liberal-minded multiculturalists will no doubt assume that comparing Jeremy Corbyn fans to carcinogens is "racist", but they can’t deny the simple facts of the case. And the Mail is happy to back Gillian’s words; she gave us a fresh insight into Broken Britain by saying, "Its the terrorists fault. Watch my eyes. Te-rror-ists. Now I can say anything I like and you’ll think it makes sense somehow. Brilliant. Te-rror-is-ts.".


Refresh/f5 for another daily mail story or maybe Tweet it.
This page uses the Daily Mail headline code by qwghlm. You’d probably like Dan and Dan’s Daily Mail song on youtube.