Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of training in Al-Quaeda terror camps has been perpetrated by ravers smashed out of their tiny minds on ecstasy.

The Mail can reveal that ravers smashed out of their tiny minds on ecstasy are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Conservative head office said of the ravers smashed out of their tiny minds on ecstasy, "was it for this politically correct insanity that I fought and died in eight world wars? I think not!".