The Mail has learned that asylum seekers are responsible for defacing statues in Trafalgar Square.

Has the world gone mad? Asylum seekers are defacing statues in Trafalgar Square with impunity. Hanging is surely too good for these no good scum. Why doesn’t the Government use all the money it has stolen from the hardworking families of Britain in stealth taxes to make amends for the situation. Probably because they are too busy lining their pockets!

The Mail spoke to The Queen, who said "I grew up in the 1930s with an unemployed father. He did not riot. He got on his bike and looked for work, and he went on looking until he found it."