The terror level was raised to beige today after MI5 said that they certainly had vague yet specific intelligence about a probable certain threat that might or might not occur or not occur under certain circumstances on British soil or abroad perhaps unless another thing that might be a threat if it were to happen which it might or might not but it definitely might.

The terror plot probably involved insane Brussels bureaucrats who rumours have emerged have been involved in burning policemen at the stake since 1978.

The Pope speaking from a hotel in Barbados said, "I think hanging is too good for them; Its time to consider the reintroduction of crucifiction, especially for criminals.".