Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of injecting crack into the kneecaps of innocent passers by has been perpetrated by Corbynites.

The Mail can reveal that Corbynites are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

The Queen said of the Corbynites, "A large proportion of Britain’s Asian population fail to pass the cricket test. Which side do they cheer for?".