Now boffins have discovered that homosexuals can cause cancer as well as being, frankly, distasteful.

Docktawh Gillian Keith, speaking from her underground nutrition dome said, "Ever since Norman Tebbit told me about it, I have been trying to cure smoking skunk in the halls of Parliament with a powerful mix of micronutrients, goji berries and spirulina."

She added "As it turns out smoking skunk in the halls of Parliament is almost completely identical to cancer, in how it affects the balance of our chakras. And everybody knows that smoking skunk in the halls of Parliament is mostly caused by homosexuals, who are known to promote a negative orgone balance in the red layer of the energy rainbow."

Of course liberal-minded multiculturalists will no doubt assume that comparing homosexuals to carcinogens is "racist", but they can’t deny the simple facts of the case. And the Mail is happy to back Gillian’s words; she gave us a fresh insight into Broken Britain by saying, "I have always said if you want a speech, ask a man. If you want something done, ask a woman.".