Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of ripping off hard working families has been perpetrated by Guardian-reading do-gooders.

The Mail can reveal that Guardian-reading do-gooders are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Nick Clegg said of the Guardian-reading do-gooders, "I have always said if you want a speech, ask a man. If you want something done, ask a woman.".