The Mail has learned that followers of Hugo Chavez are responsible for selling heroin to the unions.

Has the world gone mad? Followers of Hugo Chavez are selling heroin to the unions with impunity. Hanging is surely too good for these no good scum. Why doesn’t the Government use all the money it has stolen from the hardworking families of Britain in stealth taxes to make amends for the situation. Probably because they are too busy lining their pockets!

The Mail spoke to Enoch Powell, who said "Things got out of hand and we’d had a few drinks. We smashed the place up and Boris set fire to the toilets."