Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of injecting crack into the kneecaps of innocent passers by has been perpetrated by criminal gangs from Eastern Europe.

The Mail can reveal that criminal gangs from Eastern Europe are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Beyonce said of the criminal gangs from Eastern Europe, "the lady’s not for turning".