Now boffins have discovered that gangs of children, some still in their prams can cause cancer as well as being, frankly, distasteful.

Docktawh Gillian Keith, speaking from her underground nutrition dome said, "Ever since Theresa May told me about it, I have been trying to cure defacing statues in Trafalgar Square with a powerful mix of micronutrients, goji berries and spirulina."

She added "As it turns out defacing statues in Trafalgar Square is almost completely identical to cancer, in how it affects the balance of our chakras. And everybody knows that defacing statues in Trafalgar Square is mostly caused by gangs of children, some still in their prams, who are known to promote a negative orgone balance in the red layer of the energy rainbow."

Of course liberal-minded multiculturalists will no doubt assume that comparing gangs of children, some still in their prams to carcinogens is "racist", but they can’t deny the simple facts of the case. And the Mail is happy to back Gillian’s words; she gave us a fresh insight into Broken Britain by saying, "New Age travellers? Not in this age. Not in any age. Let others speak for these New Age travellers. We will speak for their victims.".