Now children are openly being encouraged to flout the laws of morality and the land. Anarchists calling themselves the Wombles have been threatening to smash up branches of McDonalds and Starbucks outside nursery schools.

Terror expert Lala from the teletubbies has analysed the phenomenon in a new book which we certainly aren’t plugging although it is available from our bookshop for just £7.99; a fantastic 1.7% discount.

In "Threatening to smash up branches of McDonalds and Starbucks: The True Face Of Evil", Lala from the teletubbies says, "the lady’s not for turning".

A decent "Big Society" that cared about children would bring back hanging for anarchists calling themselves the Wombles. After the hanging the still twitching bodies would be deported to somewhere tropical and foreign.