The terror level was raised to beige today after MI5 said that they certainly had vague yet specific intelligence about a probable certain threat that might or might not occur or not occur under certain circumstances on British soil or abroad perhaps unless another thing that might be a threat if it were to happen which it might or might not but it definitely might.

The terror plot probably involved hunt sabateours who rumours have emerged have been involved in threatening to smash up branches of McDonalds and Starbucks since 1978.

Norris McWhirter, speaking posthumously speaking from a hotel in Barbados said, "A large proportion of Britain’s Asian population fail to pass the cricket test. Which side do they cheer for?".