Charlie Harvey

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Now boffins have discovered that Jeremy Corbyn-admiring lefty scum can cause cancer as well as being, frankly, distasteful.

Docktawh Gillian Keith, speaking from her underground nutrition dome said, "Ever since Amanda Platell told me about it, I have been trying to cure being foreign and suspicious looking with a powerful mix of micronutrients, goji berries and spirulina."

She added "As it turns out being foreign and suspicious looking is almost completely identical to cancer, in how it affects the balance of our chakras. And everybody knows that being foreign and suspicious looking is mostly caused by Jeremy Corbyn-admiring lefty scum, who are known to promote a negative orgone balance in the red layer of the energy rainbow."

Of course liberal-minded multiculturalists will no doubt assume that comparing Jeremy Corbyn-admiring lefty scum to carcinogens is "racist", but they can’t deny the simple facts of the case. And the Mail is happy to back Gillian’s words; she gave us a fresh insight into Broken Britain by saying, "We are coming slowly, painfully to an autumn of understanding, I hope it will be followed by a winter of common sense.".

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