Charlie Harvey

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Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of causing cancer has been perpetrated by hoody-wearing layabouts.

The Mail can reveal that hoody-wearing layabouts are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

A homeowner said of the hoody-wearing layabouts, "I blame all of this on stealth taxes and permissive education in the 1960s.".

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