Charlie Harvey

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Now boffins have discovered that the poor can cause cancer as well as being, frankly, distasteful.

Docktawh Gillian Keith, speaking from her underground nutrition dome said, "Ever since Norris McWhirter, speaking posthumously told me about it, I have been trying to cure setting fire to libraries with a powerful mix of micronutrients, goji berries and spirulina."

She added "As it turns out setting fire to libraries is almost completely identical to cancer, in how it affects the balance of our chakras. And everybody knows that setting fire to libraries is mostly caused by the poor, who are known to promote a negative orgone balance in the red layer of the energy rainbow."

Of course liberal-minded multiculturalists will no doubt assume that comparing the poor to carcinogens is "racist", but they can’t deny the simple facts of the case. And the Mail is happy to back Gillian’s words; she gave us a fresh insight into Broken Britain by saying, "If only we had a privitised National Identity scheme this would never have happened".


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