The terror level was raised to beige today after MI5 said that they certainly had vague yet specific intelligence about a probable certain threat that might or might not occur or not occur under certain circumstances on British soil or abroad perhaps unless another thing that might be a threat if it were to happen which it might or might not but it definitely might.

The terror plot probably involved feminazis who rumours have emerged have been involved in looting and pillaging supermarkets since 1978.

The deputy commisioner of the Metropolitan Police speaking from a hotel in Barbados said, "make no mistake if this is allowed to continue Armageddon shall surely be upon us and woe betide all who would seek to impose upon us a surveillance society. For on that day the right shall inherit the Earth!".