Why, Oh Why, Oh Why do we allow youths such freedom? Not only are they probably communists, but youths have this week been revealed as binge drinking.

If only the Government and the guacomole-munchers of Islington were a little less concerned with helping Johnny-foreigner and a little more concerned with the rights of the hard working majority of our glorious Nation, then perhaps youths would not get away with such treachery.

That certainly seems to be the opinion of An unnamed source who this week said, "I can no longer sit back and allow Communist infiltration, Communist indoctrination, Communist subversion and the international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids.".

So, next time you are at a dinner party and the menu involves sun dried tomatoes, just consider whether you think that binge drinking is acceptable behaviour.