Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of listening to loud music has been perpetrated by hunt sabateours.

The Mail can reveal that hunt sabateours are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Mr I.P.Freely of Tunbridge Wells said of the hunt sabateours, "I can no longer sit back and allow Communist infiltration, Communist indoctrination, Communist subversion and the international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids.".