Charlie Harvey

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Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of binge drinking has been perpetrated by yobs wearing hoodies and baseball caps.

The Mail can reveal that yobs wearing hoodies and baseball caps are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Paul Dacre said of the yobs wearing hoodies and baseball caps, "a glorious thousand-year reich seems like the only practical choice to stem the tide of economic migrants".

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