Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of holding illegal raves illegally in illegal fields has been perpetrated by hunt sabateours.

The Mail can reveal that hunt sabateours are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Boris Johnson said of the hunt sabateours, "I have always said if you want a speech, ask a man. If you want something done, ask a woman.".